[Shinji accepts the tissues almost automatically, but doesn't actually open them. He'll figure out that they could help in a few minutes, when he's done nearly hyperventilating.]
[He doesn't look at Haruhi while she talks, but he's listening. This is hardly the first explanation he's cried through, although it might be the gentlest. Haruhi seems almost as lost as he is.]
When we did it, it wasn't like that at all.
[He sniffles, still crying but calmed somewhat by the fact that Haruhi doesn't seem to be hiding things from him.]
They made them for us, out of...
[His voice catches again.]
Out of people who loved us. They kept it from us, I think even some of the handlers didn't know. It was mom for me, and... I think it was Asuka's mom for her, too.
[They don't know Asuka, Shinji.]
She was one of the other kids. There were 4 other than me. My... Kaworu was one of them. He... he died. So did Ayanami, and I don't know if Asuka ever got better because her family won't talk to me, and Suzuhara-- Suzuhara only ever fought one shadow and it tore him apart.
[He pulls his knees up to his chest and hides in them.]
The last time I used my persona, I lost control of it and destroyed NERV. A lot... a lot of people died, Fujioka-san. I don't want another one. I can't do it again, I can't.
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winterfish
no subject
Date: 2021-06-09 12:21 pm (UTC)[He doesn't look at Haruhi while she talks, but he's listening. This is hardly the first explanation he's cried through, although it might be the gentlest. Haruhi seems almost as lost as he is.]
When we did it, it wasn't like that at all.
[He sniffles, still crying but calmed somewhat by the fact that Haruhi doesn't seem to be hiding things from him.]
They made them for us, out of...
[His voice catches again.]
Out of people who loved us. They kept it from us, I think even some of the handlers didn't know. It was mom for me, and... I think it was Asuka's mom for her, too.
[They don't know Asuka, Shinji.]
She was one of the other kids. There were 4 other than me. My... Kaworu was one of them. He... he died. So did Ayanami, and I don't know if Asuka ever got better because her family won't talk to me, and Suzuhara-- Suzuhara only ever fought one shadow and it tore him apart.
[He pulls his knees up to his chest and hides in them.]
The last time I used my persona, I lost control of it and destroyed NERV. A lot... a lot of people died, Fujioka-san. I don't want another one. I can't do it again, I can't.