[Well, that's not what Shinji was expecting. Haruhi has been nothing but kind to him, but there's still a difference between "kind" and "respecting his boundaries even when it might have a personal cost". She... really didn't tell them the details on that breakdown he had in her room. Probably for no other reason than respecting his feelings. He's a little stunned.]
I don't-- god, a month ago I would have said there's no way, but I still can't get my head around people having personas without NERV making them. But--
[He swallows and fixes his eyes on the ground. His hands are shaking and no matter how tightly he clenches them, they won't stop.]
The last time I used my persona, it... broke. In the middle of NERV headquarters. I wasn't awake for a lot of it, but it... brought the building down with everyone still in it. Most of the people who were NERV died.
[Screw the shaking hands, he has to take a moment to wipe at his eyes, embarrassed and upset.]
M-Maybe one or two important people made it out, but nobody who worked on me or my friends. The doctors and the researchers and-- and my father, they all...
[He wipes at his eyes again, angrily this time, hating himself for crying. He can hear a voice that sounds like his father's asking him what good he thinks he's doing.]
I'm-- I'm so sorry, I really thought... I really thought it was over, that the one good thing that came out of that goddamn mess is that this wouldn't happen to anyone else but-- but it's happening again, isn't it? It's just going to keep happening.
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winterfish
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Date: 2021-07-06 11:58 pm (UTC)I don't-- god, a month ago I would have said there's no way, but I still can't get my head around people having personas without NERV making them. But--
[He swallows and fixes his eyes on the ground. His hands are shaking and no matter how tightly he clenches them, they won't stop.]
The last time I used my persona, it... broke. In the middle of NERV headquarters. I wasn't awake for a lot of it, but it... brought the building down with everyone still in it. Most of the people who were NERV died.
[Screw the shaking hands, he has to take a moment to wipe at his eyes, embarrassed and upset.]
M-Maybe one or two important people made it out, but nobody who worked on me or my friends. The doctors and the researchers and-- and my father, they all...
[He wipes at his eyes again, angrily this time, hating himself for crying. He can hear a voice that sounds like his father's asking him what good he thinks he's doing.]
I'm-- I'm so sorry, I really thought... I really thought it was over, that the one good thing that came out of that goddamn mess is that this wouldn't happen to anyone else but-- but it's happening again, isn't it? It's just going to keep happening.