normal life au meme

[elementalherodragonlord]

the normal life AU meme

you wake up in the morning, and something has changed:

Maybe you're a super villain, a superhero, a magician, a knight, a space explorer -- but today, when you pad down the stairs (still half-asleep, still unfocused), you do not walk into your secret lair, your spaceship, your headquarters.

You're now just an average Joe, and you're standing barefoot on a worn wooden floor, smelling fresh coffee.

To boot, there's someone else in this kitchen, leaning on the counter, wearing pajama bottoms and an old t-shirt.

The setting might be new, but hell, you know eactly who they are...

so...why is your worst enemy/co-commander/partner/captain/etc. currently pouring you a second cup of coffee and asking you for pointers on the crossword?

WHAT EVEN?

Comments

[cutitout]

[Alright, we're going with head injury! Because that is not a normal response!]

He lives here. You helped us move when we started living together.

[Without explaining further, she steps forward to turn on the ceiling lights, then grabs Egg's phone off the couch, flipping on the light.]

Look at me, try not to blink.

[Evelyn is now making a very real attempt to shine a light into Egg's eyes! Concussion checking!]

[inthistryingtime]

[Okay, something really weird is going on here. Egg would remember helping Evelyn and Cullen move. What does she mean they started living together?]

Why would you--

[And then Evelyn is lighting the room and using the loud rectangle to shine another light in her eyes??? Creators, she can move fast when she wants to. What kind of magic is this???]

Ow! Oh, Fenedhis--!

[Egg covers her mouth with her hand, remembering Cullen is asleep, apparently, and ducks her head guiltily, which has the light shining at her forehead more than her eyes. Her voice comes out in a whisper.]

Ir abelas--I mean, sorry...

[The light isn't harming her, it's just really bright. Evelyn seems to be trying to help. She's clearly worried and honestly Egg is starting to worry a little, too. Maybe Evelyn can figure out what happened to her? Regardless, Egg complies with the command, looking at Evelyn past the light coming from the rectangle. Even if she wasn't concerned about the state of her mind it would be difficult not to with Evelyn using that tone of voice.]

[cutitout]

[Evelyn spent most of her 20s working in an emergency room, so she doesn't react when Egg flinches. Nobody likes to have lights in their eyes. The pupils are even, not excessively dilated, and they shrink in response to light. No evidence of a concussion.]

Eyes are normal. Do you have pain anywhere?

[A beat, and a little frown. Emergency room instincts again, she's used to people swearing in languages she doesn't speak, but she doesn't think Egg spoke another language enough to instinctively curse in it yesterday.]

What language is that?

[inthistryingtime]

[What was Evelyn even looking for in her eyes? Good that they're normal, Egg guesses. She shakes her head when Evelyn asks about pain.]

No, I feel fine.

[More fine than she probably should be feeling, realistically, given what she last remembers. The memory puts a an embarrassed flush in her cheeks. Creators, she hopes she doesn't have to talk to Evelyn about Bull right now. She's barely had the chance to even process what happened to her in the first place. Her mind wanders to the previous evening while Evelyn watches her with what appears to be concern. It's not like she's completely inexperienced but she's never done anything like that before.

Evelyn's second question brings her back, though. Egg frowns, eyebrows knitting together in confusion.]

Elvish..? You've heard me speak Elvish before.

[cutitout]

[It takes a lot to knock Evelyn for a loop, but she still spends a good second looking at Egg in bafflement at that answer.]

Elvish.

[She gives the tiniest shake of her head. Elvish, of all things. The last person she knew who spoke any elvish was a member of her high school chess club, and it had seemed a little on the nose, honestly. She didn't even know Egg was into Lord of the Rings. Not important, though.]

Alright. I'm not seeing any signs of a concussion, but I'm concerned that you don't remember getting here. We weren't drinking enough to explain that. What's the last thing you remember?

[inthistryingtime]

[Why is Evelyn confused that she's speaking Elvish...she's an elf...Egg squints in response to Evelyn shaking her head but she doesn't have time to comment on it because Evelyn is asking her about what she last remembers. Egg is too honest for her own good. She immediately looks embarrassed, can't hold eye contact.]

I...remember falling asleep in my room?

[Hopefully Evelyn is not as good at reading Egg as Bull is and she'll leave it at that. Just going to..brush past that like it's nothing...]

I went there directly after a war table meeting and didn't leave so I have no idea how I ended up here.

[cutitout]

[What the fuck is the war table. Is that some kind of in-joke from Egg's team? It doesn't sound like it, and Evelyn is in most of their slack channels anyways.]

That... would have to be at least the day before yesterday. You weren't home last night. Might not have been home the night before either, given healing times.

[She taps gently on her own collarbone, indicating where the edge of a lovebite is showing under Egg's collar. It doesn't feel like an odd thing to point out, given the many jokes that have been made about Evelyn's own tendency to make Cullen look like he'd lost a fight with a swarm of vacuum cleaners.]

If you're not sure, we should call Bull.

[Before Evelyn can make any move to do so, the door down the hall opens. Evelyn turns momentarily away from her friend to check on her boyfriend.]

Cullen? How are you feeling?

Like I've been hit by a train. Is there coffee?

Not yet. Ellana's here, wear pants.

[inthistryingtime]

[Evelyn tapping on her collarbone has Egg looking down towards her chest and, oh, that's a bruise of some kind. She tugs her shirt down a little to get a better look, revealing that there are at least a couple more additional similar bruises further down her chest. That's new. Is that from Bull? It must be.

The embarrassed flush is back but Evelyn seems to be treating this with the same neutrality as any other injury Egg has sustained. For just a moment Egg wonders if Evelyn thinks it might be from something else but then she says they should call Bull.]

Did he say something to you about us? Wait--Is he here?

[How else could they call for him?

This is really not the environment Egg wants to be having a follow up conversation to last night, or, maybe a couple nights ago if Evelyn's right, but it seems like that might be what's happening.

To make things more confusing and weird, Cullen is awake now, too. Egg shifts to a softer tone since he apparently has a headache.]

Why wouldn't Cullen be wearing pants....?

[cutitout]

[Cullen shuffles reluctantly back into the bedroom to find something to wear-- as Evelyn had predicted, he'd been in nothing but boxers. She'd stripped him out of his usual lounge clothes after last night's vomiting episode. Back to Egg, then.]

[And opening with an eyeroll, because, well, Iron Bull.]

He keeps telling me hickeys aren't a competition. [monotone:] Which is good for him, because I'd be winning.

[She shakes her head and addresses the other question.]

You really must have forgotten last night, if you don't remember the vomiting. I didn't bother trying to get the poor man into proper pajamas before putting him to bed.

[inthistryingtime]

[There's honestly too much to even address here, even beyond the fact that it seems Bull and Evelyn have spoken about...whatever it is that's going on with him and Egg. That or Evelyn was able to figure it out based on the hickies and some joke he's probably made when Bull and Evelyn have been drinking together, which seems possible. Egg knows she's not exactly subtle about her interest in Bull even if he's been completely unreadable in that regard. On the other hand, he's spoken casually about previous conquests with Egg and Evelyn both. Is that all she is? Maybe she does need to talk to Bull, but there are bigger issues. Her memory, for one.

Egg sits down with a little frown, confused. If, for some reason, Cullen and Evelyn are living together, it makes some amount of sense that Evelyn would be taking care of him if he got sick. She does that, she's the best field medic in Egg's inner circle, and she's not exactly shy about nudity. Has Egg really been so busy with this Inquisitor thing that she hasn't noticed Evelyn and Cullen moving in together? Well, that can't be right, Evelyn said she helped them move in. Unless she forgot? Maybe she did hit her head at some point. Or maybe something with the mark is fucking up her mind suddenly? It wouldn't be the first time it did something weird to her, though it affecting her mind would be concerning in a brand new way.

Egg looks down at her left hand, hoping it will hold some answers and, well, in a way it does. The mark is gone. Her body goes stiff. How did she not notice until now??? She turns her hand over rapidly, pressing the thumb of her right hand into her palm as if she's trying to find the familiar glowing shape.]

Where--Where is the mark???

[Egg always thought if she ever got the mark off of her hand it would be a relief but it turns out it's more terrifying than anything. If it's gone how will they close the rifts across Thedas??? Did someone take it from her in the time between her last memories and this moment??? For what purpose??? If someone managed what Corypheus failed and took the mark from her and is working for him the entire world could be doomed. This might be the worst possible way she could have fucked this up. The only thing preventing Egg's hands from shaking at this moment is the fact that she has them clasped together so tightly, thumb pressed almost painfully into her palm. She looks up at Evelyn and there is panic in her eyes.]