Picnic Time!

[elementalherodragonlord]

Picnic Meme

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It's time for a picnic! Are you on a date or just hanging out with a friend? What kind of food did you bring--homemade, store-bought, or take-out? The nice thing about picnics is you can have them just about anywhere, like the park or your front lawn or that little grassy patch by your apartment building. You don't even have to sit on the ground, honestly, that's what picnic tables are for! Hopefully it's a nice sunny day and you don't get rained out, but maybe you brought an umbrella just in case.

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[inthistryingtime]

[Egg's eyes light up when she mentions the dog. This is a person who brought a dog to a corporate picnic. She immediately has good feelings about Tabris and she is enough of an excuse to get away from this mess for a while.]

Yes! I'm Ellana from HR, we spoke on the phone.

[Egg looks down at her clipboard and hums at it thoughtfully.]

Oh, darn, looks like I forgot my attendance sheet...Josie, I'll be right back! Tabris, you can come with me.

[She smiles her most diplomatic smile at Josephine and ushers Tabris away from the group. Once they're far enough away that Egg can be reasonably sure they won't overhear her she lets her face drop.]

Oh my god thank you for showing up when you did, I had no idea when I was going to be able to get out of there.

[She looks back at her coworkers to see if they're paying attention (they aren't) and then looks back.]

Listen, we have free food coming later but you do not have to stay here any longer than you want to. If you guys are into ice breakers and team building exercises you are more than welcome to join in, I am sure that Josie would be delighted if you did, but I don't even want to be doing this so I totally understand if you all disappear into the woods over there at some point.

[She gestures to some trees at the end of the field for emphasis.]

[trystabbingit]

[HR people are usually either the most or the least chill, in Tabris' experience, but Ellana seems to be the former, based on how fast she drops the business casual pep. Tabris chokes back a laugh and grins; she has clearly picked the right employee to approach.]

Glad to see we're being up front about the ongoing hostage situation.

[She glances back at the woods, making a show out of considering it. She's shifted immediately out of the work negotiations mindset and into 'interacting with a peer'.]

Well, the last time we did ice breakers, somebody told everyone about the time he tried salvia, so we might want to skip those. But I think Leliana will be pissed if we disappear into the forest, never to be seen again, before we at least say hi.

[The salvia was, again, definitely Anders.]

You're free to come investigate the safety of our dog harness if you want a break.

[inthistryingtime]

[Egg covers her mouth to contain a burst of laughter. Wow what a relief that her guess about the kind of person Tabris is was right.]

Oh yeah, that's right, Leliana mentioned she used to work with your team a while back. I don't know if I told you over the phone but she's the reason we reached out to you in the first place. It's a shame Blackwall called out sick today, you could've had a big reunion or something.

[She shrugs and then looks back at her coworkers who seem to have everything mostly set up already, leaving her nothing to do, oh darn. Egg turns toward Tabris again.]

Okay, I absolutely will be needing to check the safety of your dog harness.

[Egg grins at Tabris. What an understanding and kind person to be helping her ignore her responsibilities for a minute to go pet a dog. She knows she's going to have to call everyone together in a few minutes to discuss the day's activities now that it seems like the whole crew is here but she's pretty sure she can put it off a little longer. Egg is still not really sure why the whole senior team decided it was her job to do run the show at this event on top of handling the planning but what isn't her job these days?]

[trystabbingit]

[Tabris laughs and shakes her head, grinning fondly.]

You didn't say, but I'm not surprised she's still helping us out. The crew from the year she was with us is still close-- she officiated my wedding, actually.

[Blackwall, though......]

I don't think I know a Blackwall? When'd he work for us? I started right after a big restructuring in the Fereldan branch, I might have missed him.

[Alternatively, he's a goddamn liar! Who's to say.]

[When her offer of dog friendship is accepted, Tabris turns back towards the car and immediately notices that they are now down three people. It's just Alistair now, standing there awkwardly with the dog looking like someone might come over and try to sell him a time share at any moment.]

Well. It looks like I've misplaced most of my party in the 5 minutes we've been talking, so I guess you can investigate our dog harness and join me in questioning my husband on their whereabouts. Shall we?

[inthistryingtime]

[Egg smiles warmly at the recollection of the wedding. It's fun to hear about a more friendly side of Leliana. Not that she's unfriendly exactly but it's hard to imagine the Leliana she knows officiating a wedding. She shrugs at the comment about Blackwall.]

I don't know off the top of my head. He started with us about a year ago now, around when I started doing the HR thing, and there were a lot of people interviewing around the same time. He talks a lot about his time there whenever I chat with him though.

[What she doesn't say is how melodramatic he sounds when he talks about working with the security team or that she tries to avoid being stuck in a room with him for more than a few minutes at a time. She has no idea how Sera gets along with him so well.

Egg follows Tabris back to her car and nods at her question.]

Sure, maybe I'll even have to help you track them down. You know, since you're our guests.

[trystabbingit]

[Tabris laughs, already amused by the kind of stories Ellana must have heard. They're still a pretty rambunctious group, but they were even more wild before they unionized and actually had things to lose if they lost their jobs.]

God, he must have been pre-union, I can only imagine. I thought I was going to go blind during my joining. Alistair is holding me upright like weekend at fucking Bernie's in all the pictures.

[Speaking of Alistair! He looks very nervous when they approach but immediately relaxes once Tabris steps into his personal space.]

Now, before you say anything--

Didn't actually expect you to keep a leash on the dog and all our coworkers, hon.

Oh, then, never mind! I see you've made a friend! Hello!

[Barkspawn also takes immediate interest in Ellana, but it's obvious he's trained well enough to actually be at a picnic with stranger-- he walks up to her and sniffs her shoes and knees, before looking up expectantly. Pat dog?]

[inthistryingtime]

[She's going to have to ask more about Tabris's stories, she actually seems to have some that aren't so...emotionally intense? Blackwall gets very weird about his previous workplace when they talk. However, more important matters are at hand. Literally. Egg immediately pats dog. What a good dog that is half her size! Her family usually had a lot of animals around when she was growing up but her current apartment doesn't allow them. What a sad life. Luckily, other people have animals, like this one!

While she would like to turn all of her attention to the good boy she is being addressed by a person, a half-elf? Not a lot of those around. Well, not a lot of Dalish around this area either so whatever. She continues petting the dog while she addresses Alistair.]

Hi, I'm Ellana! Nice to meet you. I'd offer to shake hands but--

[She gestures with the clipboard that she's still holding in her non-petting hand and addresses Tabris.]

Looks like the rest of your team really did disappear into the woods, huh?

[trystabbingit]

[Once it's clear that Barkspawn and Ellana are bonding, Tabris steps into her usual spot next to Alistair. He puts an arm around her shoulders and gives a little squeeze, which makes her smile.]

No, no, I completely understand. The dog's the real head of this family anyways.

[Tabris snorts.]

Yeah, he really is. His name's Barkspawn, you know, like the monsters from Deep Roads: Origins. But a dog.

And I'm Alistair! Unfortunately not a dog.

[Tabris laughs and shakes her head a little.]

As for the rest of the team... Where did they go?

Apparently Anders owes someone named Varric money, so he's hiding. Noooo idea where anyone else went.

[inthistryingtime]

[Egg looks back down at the dog and gives him a very affectionate scratch behind the ears.]

Nice to meet you Barkspawn!

[She looks back up at Tabris and Alistair.]

Great name. Nice to meet you, too, Alistair.

[When Varric is mentioned Egg's eyebrows raise and she finally stops petting Barkspawn.]

Wow, first Leliana now Varric, too? Seems like we really didn't need to schedule those ice breakers after all.

[Egg lowers her voice a little and adds, mostly to herself.]

Not that we really needed them in the first place, but no one asked me for my opinion on that...

[She lets out an annoyed sigh and scans the area, resting her hands on her hips.]

Do you want to look around or just come join the group? I can just say I signed everyone in if you need to cover for them. No one's going to see this list after today but me anyway.

[trystabbingit]

[Barkspawn responds to the ear scratches with furious wagging of his stubby little tail and butting his head against Ellana's knee when she stops. When this fails to work, he turns his attention to Alistair, patsy number one.]

That's the secret, we're not actually a security company, we're a front for the illuminati. We know everybody.

[Alistair does some kind of strange wiggly hand gesture intended to convey mystery.]

See, the fact that you make jokes like that means we'll never get invited to any real secret societies, sweetheart.

[Tabris shakes her head with a dramatic sigh, but she can't keep the smile off her face.]

I'm down to pretend we're all signed in. If you need any particular Warden you probably just need to check the keg or the food anyways.

I wasn't expecting the keg, to be honest.

[They saw Hawke dragging it onto the lawn while they were driving in here.]

[inthistryingtime]

[Egg smiles warmly at their interactions, enjoying watching them be sweet with each other, until a keg is mentioned.]

Wait, someone brought a keg?

[She looks back towards the group and, sure enough, there's Hawke standing over a keg and talking with? Arguing with? Laughing at? Cassandra. She can't tell exactly the tone of the conversation from this distance but she can see Josephine standing nearby with her hands covering her face. Egg's face shifts into an expression of wonder and she whispers to herself.]

Holy shit.

[Hawke, who Egg has met once at a fundraising event, shouldn't even be here. How in the world did this happen? She searches her memories and tries to think if she did something to make Varric think he could bring a plus one and then she remembers all at once and she realizes Varric isn't the only one who asked her about this. Almost all of her coworkers asked if they could bring a plus one but she was so focused on making this event happen that she said yes without thinking.

Who else is here? Well, that figures, there's Dorian's husband, too. He's probably not the only spouse or partner that's here either. Egg stares at the group for a moment before she bursts into uncontrollable laughter.]

Oh, oh no, oh gods, I am going to be in so much trouble, hahahaha!

[trystabbingit]

[Tabris and Alistair exchange a look that is really no more than a shared wince. They have no context for the plus one situation, as it hadn't come up for the Wardens that were taking part, but judging by that reaction, the keg is An Issue.]

I'm... starting to get the idea that you weren't expecting the keg either?

[Tabris squints over at the circle of people around Hawke.]

Is that Carver's sister?

[Alistair lights up in recognition next to her.]

Oh! It is!

[He drops his voice into a conspiratorial whisper.]

Do you think that's why he called in sick?

Probably! So, uh. Was this supposed to be a sober event or did we just not approve the honest to maker keg? We can totally steal the keg, if you need it to mysteriously disappear.

[inthistryingtime]

[Egg breathes deeply to calm her laughs and shakes her head. Her expression is somewhere between deeply amused and horrified, like she can't decide whether this is the best day of her career or her worst.]

Oh, I should have seen this coming! I really should have seen this coming.

[She lowers her voice.]

May the Dread Wolf take me...

[Good thing she's speaking quietly because he's RIGHT THERE probably standing with Cole and looking disapprovingly at people having fun or something...Egg looks down at her clipboard with a stack of papers detailing activities, the agenda for the day, and bingo sheets that someone suggested as a 'getting to know you' activity. They're all useless now! She unclips the papers from the clipboard, drops the clipboard on the ground, and then tears the papers in half in one swift motion. With that done, Egg finally looks back at Tabris and Alistair.]

Well! That's that I suppose! It wouldn't really matter if you stole the keg at this point because Cassandra has already seen it. Not that I don't appreciate the offer! It's just--this wasn't really supposed to be that kind of picnic?

[Egg is going into the zen zone about this situation. They shouldn't have made her be in charge of this picnic anyway. And who knows? Maybe it's not that bad. Maybe instead of a stupid corporate picnic this can just be fun for real? And maybe people will actually still bond because they're enjoying spending time together.]

I guess there's really no point in pretending that this is going to go the way we planned it anymore.